Cue Deadpool's inner monologue:

"It was a dark and stormy night (cue sax). The rain was like chipped steak being hurled against the window by zombie newspaper delivery boys demanding their $2.00. Oh, and brains.

And then she walked in, a glitzed-up china doll looking like a fancy magazine filly. I was hooked. Whatever she wanted, whatever she needed, I was going to help her.

Unfortunately for me -- having just been pistol-whipped in the heart-sack -- I no longer possessed the power to help myself."

If Deadpool found himself in the middle of a crime-noir thriller, he might offer a bit of the aforementioned narration. He might also look very much like the image on our Deadpool Dead Noir Men's T-Shirt.

Made from 100% cotton, this black Deadpool t-shirt for men features a stark image of Deadpool drenched in shadow, lit by ominous streetlights venting through the cold grill of flat steel shades.

Dressed in a milk-white suit, Deadpool carries his handy bag filled with the necessary tools for effective assassin....er, detective work. Will he crack the case and save the girl?

Meh. He'll probably just kill everyone so he can return to perfecting that inner monologue.