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Way back in 2007 we had a writing contest where contestants competed to win a $200 gift certificate at SuperHeroStuff.com were they were asked, “Which Superhero would you send on a mission to hunt down Osama Bin Laden and why?” We received quite a few and we even managed to pick a winner.  The following story was written by Donna Dudish.  Thanks for competing Donna.  You rock.

Luthor and Bin Laden: Match Made in Hell?

 

You know me, the guy voted most likely to be recruiting backstage passes to the latest slugfest. It’s all bullets and name-dropping, that’s what you pay me for. That’s what keeps you perched on the bus-seat edge, trying to read over Joe, Jack, Jill’s shoulder. And I live to serve my adoring public. So who could’ve been more surprised at the voice on the other end? I mean, really, why call me? You can’t work on this rag without hearing about “la femme Lane”. But her phone didn’t ring, mine did.

 

A call that left me enduring a November rain under an elderly umbrella. When the limo ghosted in behind me, I jumped.

“I would ask if it’s wet enough for you just to break out the clichés.” I squeaked back in surprise, too damn jumpy. Hey, you learn to be in my line.

“Lex Luthor,” I acknowledged as the passenger door swung open. And that began the conversation between your intrepid narrator of crime’s vicious lives and our city’s most reviled citizen.

 

I cupped my chilled fingers around a cooling brew, black and strong, no fancy lattes on this beat. When he reached to his breast pocket, I felt the cold sweat pop at my temples. The hand came out clutching a news clipping: “The Man of Steel vs. Radical Bombers.” I’d seen this one, a pure spec piece with a rather poor photoshopped “shot on the scene”. I said as much to Lex when I handed it back to him.

“That is inconsequential you see,” he replied. “I am far too intelligent to be taken in by this pulp. You work the inside and know the story from the tripe. The common man though, there is the rub. They will believe and Superman will have to prove them right.” Lex fell into the usual tirade he plays to any public, even a public of one. I’d heard it all before, we all have. If I was still a betting man, would’ve won the pot saying our Lane has not only heard it all but seen the proof.

 

He ground through the stump speech. Towards the end the brute hulking in the facing seat pulled Lex the last dreg of tea from a steaming silver samovar, ignoring the long since empty container in my hand. Only then did he stop. I have to tell you I was almost impressed with the constant theme, the tenacity, the sheer bullishness Lex displayed as he waxed on his number one topic. Websters should have a photo of Lex for obsession, that’s how crazy it was.

 

But at the end of it, he stopped and stated, “That’s why I will kill Osama bin Laden.”

 

I must’ve looked as confused as I felt. He smiled that English gentlemen’s club smile. “I will not have any peers. I am the superior man and I will not let some sorry excuse of a goat herder confusing pure luck with the genius of complete planned chaos interfere with me proving that. Until Osama is dead and his distraction gone, I cannot be sure of unrestricted access to the superjoke you so quaintly fawn over.”

 

For a moment, Lex fell silent. Staring at his face, I knew this was the man with the hate and drive to pursue beyond all limit, to see only the end and not the means. Here was the monster you send to kill a monster. At some unseen signal from Lex, brute made it clear the interview was over with a languid wave of his gun hand towards the rain peppering the window; Lex assuring me regular updates of his progress, me posturing on fair representation in the press.

 

It was a good twenty minutes before my shoulders came back down from my ears. Tobacco curled lazy-sweet around my head. I thought about a certain day. I thought about the power of ego, the siren lure of hate.

 

I thought yup, maybe Lex just could do it.

II

Hello, hello, this thing on?

Hello?

Ok, not much time, just gotta hope it’s working. Nate here…your highway to the stars, criminal though they are. Not sure where I am. Well, I’m sure it’s a plane and this ain’t

Kansas, can’t say more than that. How’d a ground-hugging, tube-rider like me get hijacked into a flying metal coffin? Wasn’t easy.

 

After our friendly chat, I didn’t give Lex much more thought. Seen it all and heard plenty, what’s one more crazy rant? Had plenty others to reel in; the Maggio brothers were feuding again and all the little fishies were circling for the fallout.

 

Maybe a twinge when Clara over in Society mentioned Lex had been out of the news awhile. Sure, he’s a crook but a filthy rich one. Still, wasn’t a clear follow-my-lead twinge. It was when I was climbing the stairs out of the 27^th that those little hairs woke up. The twinge turned into a honking reminder. I checked the snub-nose, yup still in the left pocket. Didn’t carry till lately, but like I said, a guy gets jumpy.

 

Brutus fleshed out of the archway. No way you could mistake that lump, Lex must be paying by the pound. Tried to bluff it, “Lose your ride big guy?”

 

Not one for small talk, probably couldn’t form a coherent thought never mind say it out loud. The street light crossed his bulk and the muzzle already pointed at me. Geez, this guy was a broken record. I shrugged, “Your dime”. A teeth-chattering blow ended any more brilliant conversation and sent me into blackness.

“Ah, there is our reporter,” that voice was unmistakable. No use faking it, not with brute’s ham hocks around. Opened my eyes and once again found myself watching Lex across a limo’s vast space, “Something I should know about?”

 

It was champagne at this meeting. Lex practically vibrated with excitement. “All in good time please. I have to say I am rather disappointed in you. I thought we had an understanding.” He stopped for a moment, head cocked, eyes turned in. “True, true. I cannot really hold you accountable after all. I have been…otherwise detained.”

 

This was not a good sign; silent partners don’t bode well for sane talkers. My eyes roved the interior, no door handles, no blunt objects except for the bottle chilling next to brute.

 

Lex caught my movement. “This vintage is exquisite, you must try it. I insist.”

Brute’s pig eyes bored into me as he leaned over, his paw dwarfing the crystal. Master and pet stared at me till I relented and sipped gingerly.

Lex grinned and barked, “Now please.”

The brute touched several buttons at his console. The limo’s windows wept into transparency. I was startled to see the

North Park amphitheater below us. We must’ve been up on the Smallville South extension.

North Park, why did that sound so familiar? I looked at the crowd milling. North, what was it?

 

It clicked as Lex crooned, “I just love a good cause.” The Iraqi Anti-Defamation League had filed a permit for

North Park. Was being billed as a “peaceful meeting of like-minded citizens to join in prayer and demonstrate the real truth of the Iraqi people”.

 

“Wait…wait…no…give it to me!” Lex was practically jumping out of his seat in agitation. My gut gave a hard roll; it wasn’t liking this one bit. I stared at the mixed group, some chattering in smaller sections, several with hands linked, heads down.

 

Luther was holding a mike to his mouth with one hand, champagne long forgotten, the other thumb covering a small box. I tensed but brute had the smarts of all predators and crushed my shoulder in a vise grip. My gut flipped again and I swallowed thickly.

 

“Death to the infidel. There is only one God and Allah is his name.” Thumb pressing down, a crump that shakes even the armored limo, human wails mixing with mechanical ones, Lex beaming angelically and then brute’s backhand sending me back into oblivion.

That brings me to this flying heap. When I came to it was strapped in the middle of a pack of brutus clones. They were comparing hardware enthusiastically till several noticed I was awake. The front curtain peeled back and he walked down the aisle.

“Excellent!” That voice. My eyes must’ve looked pretty funny shooting knives.

“It was perfect. What a day, what a response. And the media darlings! I really must apologize, the story of the year and here I had you incommunicado. No Peabody Award for you I’m afraid.”

I was still getting pretty clear flashes of what happens when large quantities of explosive meet multiple soft humans. “What are you up to now Luthor?”

“Now I thought we were friends. I seem to recall a certain understanding we had, promises made. And everything I have gone through to fulfill my end of that arrangement. But a prophet is never accepted in his own country as they say.”

I squirmed in my seat, “You’re no prophet, just insane.”

Lex laughed, the hired guns joining him. “No, no, no! Not insane, just the most brilliant mind in history! Who else could orchestrate the perfect cover to implicate al-Qaeda? Who else will be cheered as

America’s savior when Osama is dead? And who will have to acknowledge my superiority?”

 

Lex turned and still chuckling, strode back to his private quarters. The plane droned on. The goons relaxed, some slept. Finally convinced them of the need for toilet breaks.

 

Not much tape left. I’ve got a good idea where we’re going and what Lex will do when we get there. Don’t know the plan for me. Out of time, they’re at the door. Hope somebody finds thi…

This bulletin was posted on MySpace so I thought I’d pass it on.  He’s in Chicago and needs any info on truck driving jobs.

“Hi folks!  I sure could use some help.  For me, 2007 wasn’t a very good year.  I was layed off twice.  I worked only 6 months out of the year.  At the end of the year, I finally obtained my truck drivers CDL Class “A” license.  I was hired immediately by Werner Enterprises (a truck company) with the intention of taking a “local driving route” that they were offering.  Well, after I completed Werners 275 hour student driving program, I was informed I was uneligable for that route since I lived more than 30 miles from their terminal.  So, to continue bringing in money for my family, I’m out on the road driving.  I’m in Ohio, at a truck stop as I type this on my cell phone.  What I need is, for someone who knows about any Chicago local truck driving jobs.  It has to be a local driving position.  I want to be home nightly.  The reason, I need to be at home for my 2 beautiful kids.  I already missed my son’s birthday plus X-Mas, and New Year’s Day. If anybody can help me I would really appreciate it.”

If you or someone you know knows anything about trucking positions in Chicago, you can email me at ronando@superherostuff.com and I can pass on the info.

 Heath Ledger died today, Jan. 22, 2008.  He was only 28.

Visit our Tribute Page

Heath Ledger first came to the attention of the public in 1999, it was all too easy to tag him as a “pretty boy” and an actor of not much depth.  Heath Ledger was born on the fourth of April 1979, in Perth, Western Australia.  In junior high it was compulsory to do one of two electives, either cooking or drama, and as Heath could honestly not see himself in a cooking class, he tried his hand at acting. 

When Heath was 17, he and a friend, decided to pack up, leave school, take a car and rough it to Sydney. Heath believed Sydney to be the place where dreams are made, or at least, where actors can possibly get their big break. However, upon arriving in Sydney with a purported 69 cents to his name, Heath tried everything to get a break. His first real acting job came in a low budget movie called Blackrock (1997), a largely unimpressive cliché; a teen angst film about one boy’s struggle when he learns his best mate raped a girl. He did not have a large part in this movie. In fact, it was a very small one. The only thing of notice in his role is you get to see him get his lights punched out. After that small role, Heath auditioned for a role in a TV show called “Sweat” (1996) about a group of young Olympic hopefuls. He got offered one of two roles, one as a swimmer, another as a gay cyclist. Heath accepted the latter because he felt to really stand out as an actor one had to accept unique roles that stood out from the bunch.

It got him small notice, but unfortunately the show was quickly axed, which led him to look for other roles. He was in “Home and Away” (1988) for a very short period, in which he played a surfer who falls in love with one of the girls of Summer Bay. Then came his very brief role in Paws (1997). Paws was a film which existed solely to cash in on guitar prodigy Nathan Cavaleri’s brief moment of fame, where he was the hottest thing in Australia.

Heath played a student in the film, involved in a stage production of a Shakespeare play, in which he played “Oberon”. A very brief role, this did nothing other than give him a small paycheck, but nothing to advance his career. Then came Two Hands (1999). He went to America trying to audition for film roles, showcasing his brief role in “Roar” (1997) opposite then unknown Vera Farmiga. He could not find any American roles but then Australian director Gregor Jordan auditioned him for the lead in Two Hands (1999), which he got. An in your face Aussie crime thriller, Two Hands (1999) was outstanding and helped him secure a role in 10 Things I Hate About You (1999). After that, it seemed Heath was being typecast as a teen hunk, which he did not like, so he accepted a role in a very serious war drama The Patriot (2000).

What followed was a stark inconsistency of roles, Heath accepting virtually every single character role, anything to avoid being typecast. Some met with praise, like his short role in Monster’s Ball (2001), but his version of Ned Kelly (2003) was an absolute flop, which led distributors hesitant to even release it outside Australia. The Order (2003) was absolutely terrible, and A Knight’s Tale (2001) was just light entertainment. Heath has had such a wide variety of roles that he seems unsure what to do with himself next. Despite being a very talented comedic actor, he seems to only want serious roles, which has hindered his career. He is by no means one of the greatest actors out of Australia, but in his brief career to date has suggested he could become one, if only he accepts the right role.

In 2007 Heath landed the role of The Joker for the Batman movie Dark Knight. In it, Batman raises the stakes in his war on crime. With the help of Lieutenant Jim Gordon and D.A. Harvey Dent, Batman sets out to dismantle the remaining criminal organizations that plague the city streets. The partnership proves to be effective, but they soon find themselves prey to a reign of chaos unleashed by a rising criminal mastermind known to the terrified citizens of Gotham as The Joker.

Right after taking out Ra’s Al Ghul, and the mysterious disappearance of Dr. Jonathan Crane AKA Scarecrow, Batman continues on his war on crime in the streets of Gotham. But this time, he meets his match when this crazed, murdering, psychopath called The Joker, starts bringinc complete chaos to the streets of Gotham making it a personal agenda to take out the Dark Knight, before Batman gets to him first.

Heath did a fantastic job as the new, dark, phychopathic, sociopathic criminal the Joker.  Absolutely fantastic. 

This is awesome, you just have to check it out.  Click on the image to take you to where they come full circle and have Hack ‘n Slash Hobbits go through a D and D game of Lord of the Rings.  Hilarious if you’ve ever played.

Here’s the money shot from the teaser: It’s just a slow pan up on a construction site!  You just gotta love it!

Micahel: Yeah, I saw it.

It was… different. Different-ish. Basically, Blair Witch Project x Godzilla = Cloverfield. It wasn’t actually Godzilla, mind you.

What shocked me the most was the run time. We were there at 12:40. Watched about 10-15 minutes of previews. (Star Trek movie teaser! Weee!) And we were out of there at 2:08. I couldn’t believe it. Like an hour and 10 minutes? Hour 15 at most?

On the other hand I couldn’t have stood much more. Why? The whole movie made like it was filmed on a single video cam. So, run, run run run run bouncing shaky camera work. Take the shakest camera work you’ve seen in a clip, in say any Bourne movie… and make an ENTIRE MOVIE out of it.

There were some good elements, and the beginning worked really well. But overall, meh. I can’t recommend it other than for “different” factor. IT was a miss to me overall.

I can’t wait to see what the box office says. I know the theatre we were in, when it ended, the audience went, “Uh.” Collectively. No one was walking out talking excitedly about it.

It just doesn’t get any better in the superhero universe than Italian Spiderman.  Stan Lee himself said it was an amazing tribute to his own creation.

 We just can’t wait till it hits the screens!

You’ll definitely want to visit our new Batman Dark Knight Movie page to get a glimpse of all the images of this hot movie that’s coming out.

    

Two new Batman Dark Knight Posters

 

Michael: … Third, Gary Oldman makes the best damn Gordon ever, right out of Batman Year One!

Ronando: - I agree. I think Oldman’s a good choice, but primarily only based on Year One Batman, but he needs to have white hair and white stash in order to be the commissioner in future flicks.  Overall… even with my jaded cynicism I’m very pleased with Ledger as The Joker.

Yes, I HATED JACK NICHOLSON as the joker. That’s right.  I said it.

1. He was fat. 
2. He wasn’t the joker.
3. Everyone in their friggin mind was nuts to like him, except you of course you… you can like him.  He wasn’t scary.  He was too much into the costume.  But that’s not his fault, stupid whatshisname’s fault… Burton!  That freak.  That necrophiliac freak has some sort of love affair with dead people.  Just look at his work.

Freeman as Lucius Fox is ok.  Though Fox is a bit younger in real life… but I like Morgan, yet … he just doesn’t nail it.  Something’s lacking in his performance as Fox, but that’s alright since Fox’s a background character and we’re lucky to even have any part of the comics in these damn movies with all of the artistic licensing that’s going around in their production.

Bale is good as Bruce Wayne, good as Batman… no complaints there.  But… the uniform… it’s a stretch. Nolan is taking a more practical stance on Batman.  They have created their own universe, they aren’t following the comics when it comes to the uniform and the batmobile.

See… there are two ways the movie gods can do this. One is that they can follow the comics and stick to tradition, to a certain extent and yes.. yellow spandex on Hugh Jackman would never ever work. Or, they can launch from the comics and go their own route, which is at the risk of pissing off comic enthusiasts.  We go to the friggen superhero movies expecting to see the comics brought to life, and whatthehelldoweget?  Some necrophiliac’s interpretation of a superhero with stupid, idiot BOMBS in the Batmobile’s hubcaps.  Idiots.  Yes, I’m talking about the stupid 1989 Michael I’m not Batman Keaton movie.

Batman Dark Knight is having it both ways.  They take what they want and…  in fact they all want it both ways (can you say friggen organic webshooters??), so they take what they want which is

1. A Batman name and look 
2. The joker 
3. Supporting cast and location i.e. Gordon and Fox and Pennyworth in Gotham
4. and a skeletal outline of a story, i.e. Batman traumatized billionaire boy fights crime with an eye towards techno fashion and emo capes.
5. Then whatthehelldotheydo?? They then add in their own shit to make it transition, in their opinion, into the real world. i.e. The Tumbler (which is acceptable) 2) electo – cape… (which is… acceptable only because the cape is a kind of a mystery in the first place.  We never really know much about it in the comics. In fact, I only read once where Batman had the ends weighted with something to be used as a weapon when he swung it around.  Friggin ripped open a guys nose when he did that. I loved it) 3) body armor, 4) trained by ninjas 5)… guns! Someone tell Nolan that Batman isn’t supposed to use guns. Even in Year One.

So, Nolan and every other superhero movie maker wants to recreate their own univers.  Stupid. 

HERE’S AN EXAMPLE OF SOMEONE MAKING A MOVIE WHILE STICKING TO THE COMICS
The guy’s name is Sandy Collora.  And he’s done the best job so far in depicting Batman.

Michael:  I don’t mind the changes from the comic books anymore. You know why? Because nothing - absolutely nothing in comics - is or ever HAS been “bible”. It’s an illusion.

Look at the original Batman. F—er carried a gun in the 40’s when he started!! That’s where they got the idea from now. Every decade or so the character chagnes w/ the times. It’s evolving mythology - what you remember of Batman is probably the 70’s version and that’s cannon to you but not to anyone else. We all come in that way - ie Hal Jordan is/was the best Green Lantern ever, always will be but guys from the 80’s think Gardner is great and the 90’s, Kyle Raynor. It’s whatever you are exposed to first.

It’s evolving mythology. As long as they keep it smart and thought-out —- I mean you can’t tell me seriously that Bob Kane wouldn’t have Batman wearing battle armour if he knew it existed. It wasn’t an option when the character was created.

Think of it this way - the characters are not just characters, they are myths. Myths are ideals, they teach us to embrace ideas and ideals we have/we need, and they need to adapt it to the times.

BTW I used to like the original Batman by Burton - and it was amazing at the time, in context, but it doesn’t hold up. Other movies do, that one doesn’t. IMO.

Ronando: … I hate you when you make a good point.